Demisexuality

I ramble, hard to believe if you know Me, but when I write I ramble so I apologise in advance if I do here..

Okay…hands up…who here has heard of Demisexuality?…no? well go and Google it, well no, don’t because You’ll get pages of sites of what I personally think of as crap. Crap definitions of what Demisexuality is, crap from people saying Demisexuality isn’t real or valid.

before I go any further I’m going to you My definition of what Demisexuality is :-

A Demisexual is someone who does not, will not and cannot ever develop primary sexual attraction…that’s it! Simple eh?!

Human sexual attraction can be divided into Primary sexual attraction and desire and Secondary Sexual attraction and desire.

Primary Sexual attraction is attraction to a Person/People based on instantly available information such as appearance or smell which may lead to arousal or desire. So by not experiencing Primary attraction, Demisexuals do not experience the full range of attraction or only half…( hence Demi from french via medieval Latin for half ).

If you do go online and google Demisexuality and read on hundreds of sites or X amount of memes or google images  that Demisexuals need to feel a strong emotional connection with someone in order to feel sexual attraction to them, that’s the result of us being Demisexual, rather than the reason for us being Demisexual.

All well and good you may say…but this requirement for a strong emotional connection for attraction to develop often leads demisexuals to fall for friends. For many who do develop such feelings ( I just have to mention here that though Demisexuals can and do fall for their friends, it doesn’t mean they definitely will ) the feelings are not always recipricated.

If you took the plunge and googled demisexuality, then you probably read the opinions of some people who claim Demisexuals are just choosy about who they sleep with. We’re not choosy We just don’t get turned on unless there is that deep emotional attachment I keep mentioning, We must have that bond for sexual attraction to develop.

That its just normal:- Only ever finding a handful of people sexually attractive , and then only under specific circumstances, is pretty far from what can be described as a “normal ” sexuality where people can feel sexual attraction without any sort of emotional connection.

  Or that it’s a lifestyle choice rather than a real sexual orientation. Demisexuality is not a preference! it’s as valid as any other sexual orientation because like the others it describes the types of people a Demisexual individual is orientated towards. in this instance, people who they have a close emotional bond with.

That We’re Slut shaming :- As Demisexuality falls under the spectrum of Asexuality and is by association LGBTQIA ( I say associated and not member as not everybody in the LGBTQIA community feel that Asexauality and Demisexuality belong in the said community even though Straight, Gay, Lesbian and Bi people can be Demisexual )We tend to be a sex positive bunch. we do not morally judge people about Their sexuality or sexual choices based on Our own. No one sexuality is any more Valid than another. Or we’re Snowflakes upset at everything and looking to feel oppressed. while it’s certainly true that Demisexuals do not feel descrimination or oppression like others in the LGBTQIA community, they are affected by Heteronormativity ( that Heterosexuality is the norm or the default sexual orientation )and compulsory sexuality ( A term used to assume that all people are sexual and to describe the social norms and practises that marginalise non sexuals and compel people to take up sexul identities and engage in sexual activity. K Gupta signs vol41 no1 )

I hope this post has given You at least a little bit more knowledge regarding Demisexuality and if You have any questions please feel free to post them in ghe box below.